A Dyslexic Walks Into a Bra: A compendium of the best jokes, gags and one-liners

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What do you get when you mix an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic? A person who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog. Why was the dyslexic gardener always confused? Because they couldn’t tell their “tulips” from their “two lips”! He then went to an elderly man’s home. When he arrived, he inquired about the job, but mispronounced the words once more. “Are you the guy with the pipey leaks?” The old man didn’t seem to notice, but the plumber realised his error and corrected himself. “Leaky pipes, that is…” The plumber repaired the pipes, was paid, and then moved on to the next job. It seems the United States Postal Service has already ruined this one. The price of the standard first-class stamp will be increasing next month (May 2007) from 39-cents to 41-cents. The punchline with the lower amount, 14 cents, doesn't quite cut it. Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic, he suffers from insomnia because he stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

Joe, the dyslexic cop, is summoned to the captain’s office and read the riot act. The captain declares, “Joe, you’re a good cop, but these reports aren’t going to cut it any longer! They’re damn near illegible! If there is even one misspelt word on the next report, you will be suspended! Now get out of here and start patrolling!” These two dyslexic skiers are stood at the top of the slope. The first one says “Let’s zig zag down the slope.” Do you know where the smartest dyslexics are ??? They live in the south of India… They speak the language – MALAYALAM

I have to admit that librarian showed the utmost level of professionalism especially in light of the fact that I went about this procedure "playing it straight." Why did the dyslexic couple learn karate? They tried to get some marital counselling but ended up with martial training. She had only worked two days when one doctor called the other to his office and said that they would have to let Nurse Nancy go.

The cop is now extremely self-assured. He walks to the middle of the highway and finds the severed head of one of the unfortunate victims. Recently, I needed to be tended to in an hospital emergency room. One of the tests performed...aw, you'll figure it out! He went out looking for an orgy, but ended up spending all night at a gyro stand. [All right, that's a very New York-centered joke for a town populated by take-out places where one can dine on greasy meat sandwiches of Greek origin called "gyros"]. My friend and co-worker Bruce asked me, "What are you going to do when the dyslexics start to portest?," to which I responded "What are they gonna do? Send me heat mail?!What’s a dyslexic’s favorite dessert? “Fried ice cream” – it’s as delicious as it is challenging to spell! I can't fathom why, but I've been getting a lot of mileage out of the following story--something that happened about twenty years ago. Well, that was it...or so it seemed. If I wanted there to be more dyslexic jokes, I figured I had to write them myself.Here are the Derek originals. I'm very proud of these and hope you, the reader, also enjoy them: The cop thinks to himself, “Okay, so far, so good.” He walks across the street to the other vehicle.