Try writing down what you want to talk about before you broach the subject – this can help you organise your thoughts and think about the questions your partner might have. Annabelle, who organises CFNM events, echoes Terry when she says, ‘only once did we do some dominatrix style attire. Usually we don’t wear anything in particular – just normal clothes – nothing that excites the men too much.’ No wonder that desire can arise in such an anchored context, in this enclosed place, subject to such a repetitive rhythm. To get out of it, we can be tempted to bring about “poetry, beauty, romance, love, [...] what we stay alive for”, to quote John Keating, the literature professor played by Robin Williams in The Circle of Poets disappeared (1989).

The men then masturbated in a competition to see who could ejaculate the furthest. The distances were measured, and marked by a little box. ‘That became the distance to beat for the next ones up,’ says Terry. Finally, the survey looked at the most sexually adventurous areas in the UK and found that Cardiff is the most sexually open city, with 85% of people trying at least one sexual fantasy, closely followed by Birmingham with 83% and Liverpool with 78%. For Annabelle, it’s a must that all her boyfriends are into CFNM. ‘It’s one of the top requirements,’ she says. Annabelle raises the topic fairly early on: ‘I wouldn’t blurt it out right at the outset, but I’d cover it at the sex chat stage, if I thought the relationship was going somewhere. I’d ask if they had any fetishes or interests – most respond with something – then I’d mention CFNM.”The sexual fantasy about the colleague – figure of intermediate proximity, both known and unknown – appears as an escape from the company’ Morality: fantasy can help you escape your dreary, everyday life at the office; it can also cause a great deal of havoc. But it’s something you can also act on, provided the conditions are met to allow it to flourish outside the context of power relationships. So what if you invited your colleague to step out the usual framework, and let yourself be surprised by reality? Reactions have varied. ‘Some guys were perplexed and couldn’t understand it, but gave it a go and didn’t like it. Others have been intrigued and embraced it.’ A source of joy, this power energises us, it makes us feel alive and therefore poses no threat. What fantasy most often reveals, far from questioning our marital or family situation, is a confirmation of its materiality: it’s because we have a fantasy life that we are capable of living daily with someone. So there’s no need to give too much weight to your inclinations in the office! Be prepared for the discussion to get intimate and frank – if you want to talk about the possibility of engaging in group sex, be aware that your partner may be hurt by this, and you will need to provide reassurance.

Sex researchers have wondered the same thing. Several research studies have focused on what women fantasize about. A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, entitled “What Exactly Is an Unusual Fantasy?”, wanted to determine which sexual fantasies are common among women. The researchers asked women living in Quebec to answer the Wilson’s Sex Fantasy Questionnaire. 799 women completed the questionnaire, of which the majority were heterosexual. The fifteen most common fantasies as reported by these women are listed below. As a single woman, Annabelle has ‘played’ with the men at these events, ‘as in I’ve got them erect and kept them erect, but not given a hand-job to completion. I like watching them complete.’ When Annabelle is in a relationship, she’ll take her partner to the event, and the only ‘playing’ will be with her partner – who will be off-limits to other women at the event. And so I fell into a routine of mostly being enamored and distracted. Today, like most days he walked in and greeted me. His knowing smile elicited a familiar tug between my legs that floated up through my stomach. I wanted him. Arriving at the start of the night, Terry was told to remove his clothes. Then along with the 14 other men attending, he was given a glass of Champagne, a mask (the wearing of which was optional) and a g-string for the initial ice-breaker. The men were required to stay erect at all times without touching their genitals. Punishment for losing their erections included ice-cubes being melted on their bodies and being spanked. Recalling his punishments, Terry says, ‘I was face-sat for ten minutes.’Have you ever had the disturbing experience of suddenly seeing a colleague in a new light, and finding yourself wanting them? Of suddenly finding their jokes funny, their anecdotes interesting? But it’s no coincidence that this fantasy of playing another role tends to burst onto the highly codified scene of our office life. In a company, we make up a collective of humans dedicated to a mission. We’re on a stage where women and men are supposed to perform coordinated tasks, in constant communication, and cooperate with each other. Hence the desire to improvise a bold step aside. The day flew by because all I did was daydream about various fantasies I wanted to recreate with Mr. Singer. As people started to leave for the day, I was confused to see him, too, in his overcoat. “Adrienne, I’m sorry, you’ll have to pull the files without me, I’ve got a last minute dinner I need to attend.” I couldn’t hide the disappointment in my face, I’m sure he caught it, but I didn’t really care. I was all wound up… for nothing. “Sure thing.” Annabelle, who’s a lawyer, now runs her own bijou private parties once a month. She says: ‘I’ve got one coming up at an Air B&B in Lewisham. We’re hiring it for the day so the men can serve us afternoon tea naked.’